Fangirl no Jutsu
by Cloudmaiden Nephele
Summary: What happens when fangirls invade Konoha? Who will come out on top?


**_Disclaimer_**_: We have no claim to the ownership of the characters and plotlines of Naruto._

**Authors' Notes**: This little baby is the brain-child of two bored college students who have nothing better to do before their Japanese 101 class. It is a collaboration between my fellow writer, Murasaki, and I. The entire intent of the story is a parody. That's it. There really is nothing deep or profound about it beyond the superficial amusement people may gain from it. Please don't take it too seriously.

**Murasaki**: _Run while you still can..._

**Nephele:** _Although we would prefer you read it. And for anyone who is watching "Last Name", I have been on temporary hiatus due to work, college, and lack of inspiration to sit down and write. Thankfully, the latest Naruto manga chapter has pissed me off enough to get back into writing._

**_Enjoy!!_**

* * *

Prologue

Set high in a deep blue sky, the sun shone brilliantly with nary a cloud in sight to hinder the life-giving rays from reaching the earth below (much to the chagrin of a certain lazy chuunin). Nestled amidst the verdant foliage of an ancient expanse of forest was a sprawling village. On this fine summer afternoon in late July, a day as seemingly nondescript as any other, the citizens of Konoha were going about their business with not a worry amongst the lot of them in the deceptive peace.

The village was prospering; the truce, albeit uneasy though it may be, between shinobi nations still held; and a loudly dressed genin bounced about the rooftops causing well-intentioned mayhem while leaving innocent bystanders with only an after-image of orange announcing his presence. All was as it should be in this idyllic shinobi stronghold. Or so it seemed...

**xXx**

Deep beneath the quaint little village in a subterranean chamber, three shadowy figures lurked equidistant from one another around an image inked on the floor with a gleaming, dark substance. Standing motionless around the perimeter of the roomer were cloaked figures wearing porcelain animal masks. The three elders sat cross-legged in a deep, meditative trance as they formed hand seals simultaneously. Tatsu, inu, tori. The kanji at the center of the design began to glow with a sickly green light. Hitsuji, ushi, mi. The next ring of lines surrounding the glowing center lit up. Saru, tora, ne. The boundary lines illuminated before the entire design was engulfed with a blinding flare of light. Lying in a tangled heap of hair and limbs was a group of innumerable and unconscious females.

"We were successful," the aged female croaked as she folded her arms in her lap, the appendages stiff from holding their position for so long.

"What should we do with them until we are ready to implement our plan?" her partner asked as he stood and helped Koharu to her feet.

"Leave them here while my ANBU prepare holding cells," the third man responded, grasping his cane thoughtfully while staring disdainfully at the heap of motionless bodies with his unbandaged eye. "They are in no position to do anything."

"Agreed," Homura and Koharu chorused.

The three elders stepped out of the stone chamber with the ANBU operatives filing noiselessly out behind them. As the door closed, the shrinking beam of light reflected off of a single, bright blue eye gleaming with wicked intent.

Little did they know what horrors they had unleashed.

**xXx**

Up in the Hokage's office, Tsunade sat idly flipping through a newspaper on her desk, sullenly sipping her sake from the small, porcelain cup before Shizune returned and lectured her about responsibility. Seeing the announcement of the winning lottery numbers, the busty blonde took a long drag of the precious elixir before promptly spraying it all over the desk as she read the characters.

Removing her feet from the desk and slamming them on the floor, she yanked open a desk drawer and began hurriedly rifling through the chaos of accumulated papers. Jumping up with a shout of triumph, the Hokage tossed a small ticket on her desk and compared the digits to the ones in the announcement.

"Damn it!" she growled at the matching numbers. Amber eyes peered thoughtfully out the window at her beloved village. "Something bad is going to happen."

**xXx**

Across the village at a small, well-known ramen stand, Konoha's number one hyperactive ninja was settling down to a well-deserved bowl of noodle heaven with his two unwilling comrades.

Sakura and Sai watched the blond inhale his ramen with looks of disgust and bemusement.

"Don't you have any manners?" the pink-haired kunoichi grumbled as she looked away.

"Eh?" blue eyes stared with confusion at the irritated medic, noodles suspended between his mouth and the steaming bowl.

"Never mind," Sakura glowered with resignation as she pushed her bowl towards her famished teammate.

Naruto held his chopsticks above the bowl, brows furrowed in contemplation. "Hey, do either of you get the feeling something really bad is going to happen?"

"It's probably just indigestion," Sakura huffed with crossed arms as she watched Teuchi and Ayame making a batch of ramen.

"Nah, it's different. I just can't shake this feeling of foreboding."

"It must be your lack of penis," Sai explained while nodding sagely.

"Huh?" Sakura looked askance at the pale artist with confusion while Naruto turned red with rage.

"What is your obsession with my penis!!" the blond Hokage-to-be exploded, garnering the attention of all the passers-by on the street. Sakura slunk down in her seat in mortification, hoping to be overlooked while the two idiots beside her bickered.

**xXx**

"Sempai?"

"What?!"

"Do you ever get premonitions?"

"What? That's nothing but superstitious nonsense!"

"But..."

"No more talking."

"But..."

"I said, no more talking!"


End file.
